top ten reasons why men love facial hair...

Monday, June 4

 see these two cuties above?
they look pretty dang good beard and mustache-less right?
well, they both happen to have a passion for facial hair.
and wanted to share it with all of you.
I could have resisted this propaganda,
but, 
i figured it was time to get some man power going on the blog. 

to preface, i am a strong advocate against facial hair. 
let's be honest, a clean shaven face is beautiful. 
a little stubble can be sexy. 

but a lumberjack beard? 
or a 
handlebar mustache? 
those belong in the nasty category. 

yet for some reason unbeknownst to the entire female race, 
men love it, ney, they ADORE it. 
they come up with excuses why every month is the right time to grow it,
"mustache march" "facial hair february" "no-shave november"
it's ridiculous. 

but since I stand for egalitarianism on my blog, 
i have given the right to two special men in my life to shed some light to us females on
why facial hair is so attractive to the entire male race. 

so...without further ado, I give you my brother Peter, and my brother-in-law Nate-dawg. Take it away boys....

Peter
Hello fellow Americans, I awoke in a cold sweat last night…What do I fear the most (if a man with such potent facial hair can indeed feel fear)??? A world without beards haunts my sleepless nights! I am currently on a mission to raise awareness…to put bearded men on the endangered list, if you will. 
Did you know that only 33% of American males have facial hair, compared to 55% world wide???!!! This is beard-poverty, ladies and gentlemen, and I will not stand idle! This is what we are up against… 

-Modern American women find bearded men only 2/3 as attractive as clean shaven men… 

-Bearded men were viewed to be 38% less generous,36% less caring, 51% less cheerful…It seems that beard intimidation keeps less Adventurous women away! 

-When the marriage market is bad, men seem to give in to peer pressure and shave…scientists think this makes women feel safer.
*Official Scientific Study (Stanford Society for the Preservation of Beards) 
But do not fear, men, there is hope…98% of manliness is communicated not in deed or word, but in BEARD! My advice to you? 

-FIND A WOMAN WHO CAN HANDLE YOUR PANACHE!!! Grow a killer beard and weed out all the amateur girlfriends who are going to cramp your style!


Peter's top 5 reasons why men love facial hair
-        It is a noble complement to chest hair!
-        In Man Speak, it is akin to peeing on a tree…believe me, every man within 100 yards knows you are there and that you arnt to be messed with!!
-        Intimidation…(I am staring at you right now, yes you, less facially endowed boy!)
-        Since the dawn of time, it has been a sign of manliness.
-        It gives men individuality…hope that they do have some control over there own lives…Girlfriends and wives, I emplore you, do not neuter your gentleman and relegate him to a life of insignificance and humiliation.

Nate-Dawg
One of the greatest things about facial hair is the brotherhood of other facial hair partakers. There’s nothing quite like looking at another dude and getting and/or giving a nod of approval about the hair that is growing on each other's faces. That’s usually the base level amount of acknowledgement you receive from a fellow facial hairsman. Can I make that a word? Facial hairsman. Okay, thanks. Oftentimes, these nods of approval turn in to conversations. I have started more conversations around my mustache than I can count. My mustache also gives me mad street cred. Facial hair breaks the ice in any social situation. If you don't have anything to talk about, you can always say, "hey let's talk about that hair you have on your face. Why is it there? Let me tell you about the time I had a mustache. I wish I could grow one, but (insert poor excuse here, usually involving women)" 
There are certain groups of people who highly embrace facial hair, and mustaches in particular. One of these groups of people I have come to know, are referred to as hipsters. Some may say that writing about them, makes the writer lose all hipsterness. This is a chance I'm willing to take. For those of you who don't quite know what a hipster is, I would explain them as the following: one who cares what they look like, but attempts to make it look like they don't care at all. I often attend live shows at a place in LA that is the hipster capital of the world, and going in to this place without any facial hair is social suicide. The roles are reversed in this other world, and it is amazing. It gives me hope of a world where facial hair can me embraced to it's full potential. 

One of the factors that makes the brotherhood so tight, is the skepticism received from the opposite sex. Every guy understands what it’s like to attempt to grow facial hair, but then get put down by a significant other, a caring mother, or friends that highly dislike facial hair and are not ashamed to voice their stance. When guys run in to girls like this, there has to be an excuse for their sudden change in appearance. This is when people run in to you and say, "hey, how come you have that mustache now? It looks bad, but you obviously didn’t shave it for a reason". I am currently writing this blog with hair warming my upper lip, but I will soon have to shave it off because the Laker’s season ended. I decided to grow a mustache for the Laker’s playoff run (tear…) It’s been good for me to have a fallback excuse for why I have a mustache and run in to the skeptics in my life. Joining the brotherhood for a few more weeks has been everything I remembered it to be. Sadly, I will be a normal guy again, losing about four years in appearance, my pass in to the brotherhood, hipsters approval, and individualilty. 
Next time you see a man with facial hair, know his struggles, and embrace the man behind the facial hair. He's not just a man with a mustache. 

Nate's top 5 Reasons why men love facial hair 
-There is a bond between ALL men with facial hair 
-It's a great ice breaker 
-It really does keep your face warm (I didn't know this was true until I shaved my mustache after 3 months. My upper lip was cold all day.) 
-It's timeless 
-Hipsters love it

well, there you have it ladies... 
two sweet hotties ruining their chances for love because of facial hair. 
 a great piece that hopefully has shed some light for us in the dark 
on why any guy would grow hair out of his face. 

thanks Pete and Nate for sharing your deepest heart-felt concern on facial hair. 
it was moving. 
until next time, 

love Katie 

15 comments :

  1. Okay, seriously. Hilarious. My husband would make y'all proud. All man with a beard and mustache. ;)

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  2. P.s. Charles Spurgeon was quoted saying that Having a beard is both manly and Godly. Way to go gentleman.

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  3. LOVE this post. so hilarious! my hubby tends to grow the stubble every now and then haha.

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  4. My husband HATES facial hair so much. I love side burns VERY much and he's grown them for me from time to time, but now he does his own thing (in the past year, been with him for 12 years). :: sigh ::
    One of my best friends has a husband who can't GROW any facial hair at all. He doesn't even have body hair, just hair on his head and eyebrows. He used to try to shave to get some but can't! Very weird. While my other best friend's husband has one of those long beards that goes to his chest. He'd highly appreciate this post!

    These two men look so different with and without their facial hair!

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  5. It is the business of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual ‘taste’. This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely. Thus we have now for many centuries triumphed over nature to the extent of making certain secondary characteristics of the male (such as the beard) disagreeable to nearly all the females — and there is more in that than you might suppose….”
    —C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

    <3 ya still Katie. I know it's the devil's handiwork.

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  6. hahahaha! Love the beards and mustaches!!! Great posts guys, I support you!!!

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  7. I love and fully support everything about this post. I am, and always have been, a beard enthusiast. I know the reasons for MY facial hair adoration and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the man's perspective as well. I will end with a quote:

    "Wow, that clean shaven guy looks super manly." said- NO ONE EVER!!!

    I love the bearded!
    -Erin

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  8. This was hilarious. I'm definitely in the I-don't-like-facial-hair category. I think a lack of beardedness makes kissing much more comfortable. :) My husband would add one more reason to why beards are preferable--Shaving is annoying and takes too much time.

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  9. Your brother's beard is quite impressive. Can't say I seen a young wear one of those before. Although I do find a man with a well kept bears attractive, I don't have any pre-white hair Santa fantasies.

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  10. LOL love this post...sooo hilarious!

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  11. I love beards! The bigger, the sexier! Give me a man with a lumberjack beard over a baby faced guy any day. <3

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  12. lol! not really sure what to say to this...!

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  13. hilarious! loved this post so much. and seriously, guys with beards are cuter:)

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